You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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