I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
