i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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