I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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