She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're like the curious george of whores
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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