Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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