I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
