Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
