If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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