you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
