oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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