In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
