Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
