Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
