She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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