He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
