fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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