tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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