WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
