apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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