People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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