And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
