I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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