I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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