that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
