I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
