Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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