i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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