haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
