I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
