I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it hurts more in the daytime
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
