I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
