what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
