well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
