Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
