I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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