Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
