Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
