They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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