i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
