I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
