I need to stop coming to work sober
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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