Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
