So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
