Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
