Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
