did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
