that's an acceptable place to lick
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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