genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
organizing the empties. That sober.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
