She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
