every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
