I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
