Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bring money and cleavage
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
