dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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